Pants or no pants?

Womb massage, huh?

Do you ever think about your womb?
How do you feel about your womb?
Do feel connected with your womb?

I never did to be honest until recently. I never realized how grounding it is to connect with my womb. I just completed a wonderful course with www.fertilitymassagetherapy.com ran by Clare Blake. It made me think about how we never talk about our womb or our cycle. If we do talk about it, there is a lot of shame, disgust, disconnect, discomfort, to name but a few feelings or thoughts. Growing up in southern Ireland your womb/menstrual cycle wasn't something that was casually brought up around the dinner table or amongst your girlfriends. Even as I write this I'm referring to the womb as "it", it was always hushed or you were given that look "of now right now"! Of course, I was told about my period and explained why we receive our menstrual cycle. However, I wasn't told about the flood of intense emotions that would wash over me about a week leading up to my cycle or how I would be extremely tired during my flow.  I wished someone sat me down and explained just how powerful the feelings would become, that they can alter your thinking.

I'm writing this to share my experience and journey, I've suffered from depression since I was 14 and was put on anti-depressants from 21. My thoughts and feelings would intense a week before my cycle and then I would crash when I received my period. My anti-depressant stopped me from feeling emotion, life was fuzzy and wonderfully bland (Blur lyric). When I was on a high dose, nothing bothered me but I was detached from myself. I hated my period and then I began to hate myself, my body and convinced myself I wasn't normal. Then add in my parent's divorce, an alcoholic parent and complete family breakdown, it didn't add up to a happy normal functioning adult to be.  Yet, my feelings/thoughts were NORMAL a week leading up to my period. It was my body's way of saying "hey, you, slow down and give me some time to process what is going on. Let me do my thing". As women, I feel we are told to ignore our monthly cycle, suppress it and just get on with it.  I have a client who has premenstrual dysphoric disorder, PMDD and it is debilitating. Every day is a struggle for her and she becomes extremely anxious before her period. Another client is thinking of removing her because her period and the mood swings that come with it are destroying her life. I'm not saying that every woman feels like this, I'm just sharing experiences.

This is not about whether anti-depressants are good or bad because they helped me get through a time when I thought I wasn't going to make it. They gave me the strength to get counseling and get through counseling. I'm slowly starting to come off mine and to anyone who is thinking of coming off them, SLOWLY! Please don't just come off them because you will spiral into a deep state of desolation. I did and it took awhile for me to be able to function again.

I now feel that it's time to get to the root of who I am and stop suppressing and feel. I suppose what I'm trying to say is slow your pace and listen to what your body is telling you. It's not pretty nor is it easy and it can be painful (both physically and mentally). Allow yourself space to recover during your period, do things for you and that help you body through this amazing time because it is! A client called the womb the 'caretaker of life' and I think that is so beautiful and powerful. I encourage you to take note of your thoughts and feelings around your cycle, learn to identify when they are most intense and find ways to accept them and love yourself. You're not a crazy, hysterical or 'dear your on your period' woman. Your an amazing woman with an amazing ability that needs the time, one week (or more) within the month to rest and recover. To allow yourself the space to feel and listen because nobody knows their body better that you.

I would you to hear your thoughts and/or experiences on your time of the month. How you feel about this topic. Thank you for reading.